Somewheregrad… in Russia

Hello, lovely ladies… interesting, I must say, to receive (completely unsolicited) the almost daily communiques from you by e-mail. Please let me be very upfront and straightforward with all you would-be Russian brides though (Anastasia, Ekatarinna, Irina, Izabella, Katerinka, Katushka, Luliya [and your remarkably attractive gymnast cousin], Oksana, Svetlana, Vikulya, and Yana… forgive me if I’ve missed a few)—while I am predictably flattered at your charming overtures and bold offers of intimate relationships and marriage, I’m honestly “not looking” (if you know what I mean), and I think it’s only right to suggest that you expend your energies more productively elsewhere.*

It’s nice to know that you think I am an interesting person (your stated reason for deciding to get to know me better—though how you know this is still a mystery to me) and it is very thoughtful of you to wish that I could be truly happy (I actually thought I was until you pointed out that perhaps I wasn’t). It’s quite generous for you to share all that personal information about yourself (with interests including ballet, fencing, music, reading, books, equestrian sports, theater, computers, old movies, gourmet cooking, good conversations,“and the many other things that make life beautiful”—you sound like the real Renaissance woman) and the fact that you have never been married (I have—did you know that?), that you “do not have a boy friend at this stage of your life,” that you work for a living (a real asset, I’ll admit), and that “all you miss is a beloved person” with whom to “have a family in the future.” I agree that “we should use every chance we have to find happiness…” (hard to argue with that logic), but back to the point I was trying to make earlier, “I’m really not looking”… and I suspect that if you really did your homework well, you’d find that I’m likely considerably too old for you anyway. |-:

Oгорченный. (that’s Russian for “sorry,” right?)

*On the off chance that a third party with more nefarious motives is using your likeness and good name in a solicitous manner, I thought you’d want to know…